The 5 Worst Spring Break Souvenirs
Drinking, frolicking, fornicating… awwww… that’s Spring Break. You can’t wait to be so merry. And no matter where you decide to go, and how much fun you have there, it’s always nice to have a souvenir to remind you of your trip but not all souvenirs are created equal.
Most of the best spring break destinations involve sunshine, sex and, of course, drinking but before you start chugging the beers and downing the shots, remind yourself that there are some things that you really don’t want to bring home. Here is a list of the 5 worst spring break souvenirs.
5. Sunburn
If you want to party, you can’t go wrong if you choose Palm Springs, Mexico, Vegas or Florida. But you have to be careful in more ways than one when you travel to these hot locales. From the west coast to the east coast and south of the border too, the sun blazes and if you don’t take precautions, you could get fried to a crimson crisp. A healthy glowing tan is great, but no one should bring back a hellacious sunburn. Easy fix. Slather on some sunscreen.
4. Sexually Transmitted Disease
You spotted the hottie almost the second you arrived and hooked up after your first beer bomb because you really liked him. Trouble is, after you go to change for dinner, you saw him with another girl. Well, that sucks. So you find yourself another guy as fast as you can. You’re in the moment, and he’s the hottest guy you’ve ever screwed.
Once you get home, you start feeling a little funny down there. Scratch. Scratch. It’s driving you nuts. And now it’s burning when you pee. Damn it, that hot guy screwed you and gave you an STD too. F*ck.
It’s fine to go a little crazy on Spring Break, just put on a condom if you get busy so you only bring back memories.
3. Tattoo
You’ve always wanted a tattoo and it seems fitting that you get one to commemorate what will surely be one of your most memorable vacays EVER. But what you don’t want to bring home is a tattoo that will forever embarrass you. Getting a tattoo when you’re drunk of a purple hippopotamus on your arm or a tramp stamp that includes “slut” will actually tell the world you’re an idiot.
2. Pregnancy
Kinda like #4, if you don’t insist on a condom every time you have wild Spring Break sex, you might get knocked up and not even know who your baby daddy is. You don’t want to have to explain that to your kid.
1. Husband Named Pepe
You wake up on your last day of Spring Break with a behemoth hangover, and someone in bed next to you. You remember having sex, but what you don’t realize until your head starts to clear a bit is that this dude is your new husband and Pepe fully expects to cross the border with you. Unless you want to spend your time getting an annulment (if you’re lucky) or a divorce, don’t be stupid.
What Should You Bring Home?
If you don’t want to bring home the worst Spring Break souvenirs, pack some sunscreen, a ton of condoms and a little common sense so all you take with you are some killer memories.