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Funny Condom Slogans to Get You Laughing & Loving

So, you’re dating someone new, and even though you’ve only gone out on two dates, things are heating up, fast. You know it’s only a matter of time, like your next date.... But, before it happens, you know you have to have the talk. 

Bringing up sexually transmitted diseases, safer sex and all that junk isn’t fun, but it’s something you just have to do before doing the nasty with someone new. Safer sex may be serious, but the way you discuss it doesn’t have to be.

Try using some funny condom slogans to get your point across without totally killing the mood.

No Glove, No Love

Here’s a motto that you can live and love by! “No glove, no love, baby” is a nice way to tell your new guy that you really want to have sex with him but if he doesn’t want to protect both of you, then he ain’t gettin' any lovin'.

Funny Condom Slogans - No Glove, No Love

Sex is Cleaner with a Packaged Wiener

Weiner is one of the most common, and cutest, penis nicknames so it makes sense it would have a funny condom slogan. “Sex is cleaner with a packaged Wiener” is a perfect safe sex reminder for the sausage’s cousin.

Funny Condom Slogans - Sex is Cleaner with a Packaged Wiener

Stop the Stream Before You Cream

When a guy orgasms, he explodes sperm, and that sperms’ innate goal is to fertilize, fertilize, fertilize. If you don’t want to get knocked up on your third date, tell your dude to stop the stream before you cream. 

Using a condom is seriously the only way that you can be 98% sure that sex is just for the pleasure and not to become a parent.

Funny Condom Slogans - Stop the Stream Before You Cream

Plug Your Funnel Before Entering My Tunnel

Everyone knows that orgasmic sperm is baby batter, but what a lot of people forget is that long before either of you climaxes, body fluids can put you at risk. So if you don’t want to take the chance on getting an STD, tell this new stud to “Plug your funnel before entering my tunnel.”

Funny Condom Slogans

Don’t Make a Mistake, Cover Your Snake

Having sex with a hot new guy is rarely a mistake—those abs, that ass! But if you happen to be the one who has an STD like Herpes, you gotta tell him. 

We know it ain’t easy but you can do it in a way that lightens the mood rather than smashes it. Just say, “Dude, don’t make a mistake, cover your snake. You’ll be glad you did.” With an opening line like that, having the talk won’t be as bad.

Funny Condom Slogans

Whatcha Gonna Say?

Break the stiffness of a serious safe sex talk. Use some funny condom slogans whenever you are about to hookup with someone new so you can enjoy his stiffy without feeling iffy.

What is Safer Sex?

This may sound silly, but I'm not exactly sure what safer sex is. Can you tell me more about what it means to have safer (safe) sex? We are always happy to expound on the topic of safer sex, or safer sex as some now say, which means taking precautions when engaging in sexual activity to [...]

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What's the best condom for the first time?

I just turned 18 and have been dating a girl for awhile so I think I would like to have sex with her for the first time. I was wondering if you could tell me what's the best condom I should use for the first time? Is there such a thing at all? I know [...]

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How old do you have to be to buy condoms?

Dear Condom Jungle, My girlfriend and I have talked a lot lately about having sex and we both feel like we're ready. She's not on the pill so I know that we need to use condoms, but I'm kind of nervous about buying them. Will someone ask to see my ID first? I haven't turned 18 yet [...]

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Kill Sperm Dead with Condoms with Spermicide

At some point in our day-to-day lives, we have all had a backup plan for the "just in case" scenario. It's great to be prepared for anything life can throw at you, so why not be as prepared when it comes to your sex life? Many couples use a condom [...]

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What is the difference between Polyisoprene vs. latex condoms?

There are a lot of similarities between Polyisoprene condoms and their latex counterparts, but there are also some differences so let’s quickly examine both. If you take these two condoms out of their wrappers and put them next to each other, there is hardly any visual difference. They are both stretchy and semi-sheer. There isn’t [...]

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Ribbed Condoms Pleasure You More

The condom's sleek and lubricated design has helped move many over the brink of ecstasy. Yet there are times when maybe you desire a little more from your trusted sheath, enter the world of ribbed condoms. These types of rubbers have ribbing strategically placed alongside the shaft with the [...]

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Enjoy Longer Sex Sessions with Condoms with Benzocaine

What's a guy to do when he wants to keep going but just can't keep himself from going over the edge? An easy answer to this common problem is to use condoms with benzocaine. Benzocaine is a mild anesthetic that desensitizes the penis in order to delay ejaculation. [...]

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Flavored Condoms: A Full Sensory Experience

The old saying "everything in moderation" may ring true for certain things; but when it comes to picking out flavored condoms, a little excess can take you a long way. They offer maximization of all things sensual without compromising on safety. Most importantly though, this condom type gives [...]

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Condom Size Chart: Find Your Best Fit

Penises are three-dimensional, and every last one of them is just a little bit different than another. To make sex as safe as possible, condoms must fit each schlong, no matter how long, like a glove. OK, we know that’s a bit cliche, but seriously, proper fit is imperative to your safe sex practice. [...]

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